Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
