What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
