why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
