Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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