No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
