I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
