Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
