Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
