dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
