well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
