Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
