Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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