The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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