she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
