I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
