I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
