He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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