last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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