This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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