Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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