Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
