saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
