Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
