Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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