Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
