im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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