my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
