Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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