The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
third nipple confirmed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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