My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
