Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
