im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The air taste purple.
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