Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
