So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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