Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
