What a fucking waste of an outfit
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
