She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
