I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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