Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
