She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Farmville is her only friend.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
