you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
