My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
