Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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