My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
