I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
