Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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