No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
