I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
