It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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