I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
