When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
