ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
