you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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