I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
