I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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